mADemoisElle

Your boyfriend’s best friend is a girl.

What it comes down to is, do you trust him? You may not know in the beginning and hopefully he hasn’t given you any reason not to, but if you’re anything like me, it’s not him you don’t trust it’s her. I’ve been in three relationships where my man’s best friend was a girl. In my first relationship it didn’t matter because we ran in the same friendship circles so it was completely natural for them to be hanging out with his girl friends and me to hang out with my guy friends. In college it was slightly more complicated. My boyfriend was blind to the fact that his best friend was in love with him and it took me almost leaving him, after she pulled one of her famous “I need you to walk me home” tricks, for him to finally choose her or me. In my most recent relationship, unfortunately his best friend won, but really it should never come down to that. Here a few guidelines in having the initial conversation so you can all live in this Eco-system.

You may not know in the beginning and hopefully he hasn’t given you any reason not to, but if you’re anything like me, it’s not him you don’t trust it’s her.

Dig Around

In the beginning of a relationship you want to seem carefree and open to learning about his friends, family and hobbies. This is a great time to get some background on his female best friend without seeming jealous or possessive. Ask him how they met, funny stories he experienced with her and how often they talk. This will help you gauge the depth of their relationship and also gives you a baseline to compare his behavior to later down the road in case she makes it a little rocky. If he doesn’t offer it up, ask if she’s dating someone and suggest a double date. If she’s single, ask to hook her up with one of your guy friends to see how he reacts. The best way to get your guy’s best friend off of him is to give her another beau to be interested in.

Get Close

Without being fake, ask to meet her and get a conversation going. Ask her the same questions about their friendship and see if her answers are similar to his. Then, get to know about her. Who does she hang out with? Does she have a lot of girl friends? What are her hobbies? If she sounds like someone you could be friends with, aside from your romantic relationship with her best friend, start hanging out with her! Shopping, movies, working out, whatever keeps you in the know on her life and what she’s doing. The more you know about her the better you can tell if you need to be suspicious. If she’s slow to let you in, ask your beau if she’s hard to get to know and ways to connect with her. Make sure he knows you want to be her friend for his benefit and you want advice on how to go about making an effort with her.

If she seems okay by the end of this step, chances are, you have nothing to worry about and you may even have found a new friend. If she’s apprehensive and shies away from getting close to you, keep reading.

Begin the Inquisition

If warning signs are going off, sit your guy down and discuss this girl friend of his. It doesn’t have to be a big production buy say something along the lines of, “as we’re getting more serious I want to talk about so and so.” List out and discuss some of the things that are bothering you, especially if she’s flirty. Ask him why she doesn’t want to do anything with the two of you, why she’s shying away from being your friend, etc. If he gets weird, calmly ask questions so it looks like you’re trying to see his point of view. It’s better you know their deal now, rather than a few months down the road, after you’re more heavily invested. He may just be obvious and it takes a gentle hand to help guide him back to you. If need be, set some ground rules of things you are and are not comfortable with her and him doing along now that you’re an exclusive couple. Communication is key in a relationship, save the game playing for the courting process.

Set up the Ultimatum

Hopefully it never comes to this but, if your beau and his best friend are really tight, and she just doesn’t like you, it probably will. Enter cautiously and be prepared. You have a few choices. You can buck it up and deal with it, while hoping it gets better. You can go to her directly, woman to woman, and try to work it out. Or, you can again tell him you’re just not okay with his relationship with her, and you need to come up with a solution that works for everyone. Depending on his answer, you can fight or flight. If he’s willing to talk it means he wants to fight for you and any feelings she may have for him probably aren’t reciprocated. If this is the case, set ground rules, keep communication about her clear but don’t dwell on it constantly. If he’s not backing down, save yourself the heartache take a step back to decide if this relationship is really something you want to pursue.

If all else fail, do this.

I know I’m late to the game on this one, but while sitting in our apartment after a pretty intense Sunday Funday, my roommate and I were watching the Sex & the City movie, comparing it to Lena Dunham’s GIRLS. (Mind you, this particular one of my roommates is the type that likes to celebrate 4/20 year-round. Hence, he was not put off by the idea of watching a super girly chick flick.)

Anywho, in trying to explain the Sex & the City series to him, I found myself comparing it to the silly interpretation of 20 somethings living in Brooklyn, otherwise known as GIRLS. Or rather, contrasting them. To paraphrase, it went something like this: 

“So, basically…Carrie is Hannah and they’re both writers that don’t ever really write on the show but somehow have enough money to do all this fun shit. Shoshanna and Charlotte are the friends that don’t equate to real life friends that anyone has because, honestly who wants to hang around with straight-edge virgins when you’re living in NYC? Miranda and Marnie are both frigid, only in most circles Miranda would not be referred to as the hot one when, if any girl claims she’s “the Marnie” she really means, she thinks she’s the pretty one. Oh and Samantha and Jessa are both the slutty ones that are totally open about sex. Friends like them don’t really exist in real life either but they are way funnier than the virgins. Oh and overall, Sex & the City is the show that every girl hopes NY will be like and then quickly learns, it is not, in fact. On the other hand, GIRLS is what every kid west of the Hudson believes to be the “hipster” life in Brooklyn where shady neighbors, warehouse raves and doing coke at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon are the norm.”

There was definitely more to it but, in my coming down from being drunk to sober, I concluded the difference between the two was the audience each show served. Sex and the CIty was for Generation X, who loved to dream about what they could have and lived in a fantasy world. GIRLS is for our generation. We’re happy with living on what we have and are proud of finding our own way, even better if there’s a cool story to go along with it. Failure in our generation is just as accepted as success because, well, “at least you tried,” dude.

A simple nod acknowledging my success in explaining the difference was given by roommate as a sign that he understood and agreed. 

(Source: pinkypeaches)

When I read this article (the paper version, yes, my generation does read things that aren’t displayed on a computer screen from time to time), I was very excited. Finally, I can go to the beauty department at Bloomingdales and not be harassed by a pushy sales woman telling me something along the lines of, “Oh you only wanted to get the some mascara? Well, let me tell you here’s this that will highlight your gorgeous green eyes (mine are blue, I don’t understand how they always get this wrong) and this will cover all blemishes (I wasn’t aware I had any that were visible, thank you) and this…and this…and this…and this.” It’s a very frustrating experience, especially when you’re on a budget (like most young women living in NYC). 

However, Clinique has sought to change this pushy sales tactic, and I hope other beauty brands take notice. My generation especially is one that would rather interact with a computer or tablet than a person. (Whether that will come back to bite us later in life is a different story.) This new digital forefront will help consumers compare products and try new ones. The retail space also has an Experience Bar, similar to Sephora, that lets consumers test and try the products directly, rather than needing to go through a saleswoman. 

I hope this idea takes off for Clinque because the no pressure environment actually makes me want to stay in the store longer and empowers me to make my own decisions on what I buy, not what the sales woman tells me looks great with my “green” eyes. 

I cannot get over the genius of this campaign. It hits on exactly what consumers need to lead a healthy lifestyle. While Nike supports professional and everyday athletes alike, this campaign is all about consistency, not extremes, which is exactly the mindset and behavior we need to adopt to stay healthy.

The Make it Count campaign tells consumers that no matter what their activity; basketball with friends, training for a half marathon, or taking the stairs rather than the elevator, #counts. It encourages consumers to adopt an overall healthy lifestyle and think of exercise in different forms, rather than the usual things that come to mind like the gym and running around the park. It’s exactly what the general population, especially the one in the United States according to Morgan Spurlock, needs to start making a change in the way we treat our bodies. 

What’s more is Nike+ created a Fuel Band to track the daily activity of each person that wears it. The fuel band helps create consistency and teaches consumers that the road to a healthy lifestyle is one that has a few hills and curves but if you keep pushing through and keep a steady pace, you’ll come out on top. How inspiring. 

nikeplus.nike.com/plus/

Closing in on my two year anniversary of living and working in New York City, this video always reminds me how lucky I am to be here and how multifaceted this city truly is. All the shots around Astoria make me realize how far I’ve come from the first day I stepped off the plane and later decided to make it my first NY home. 

I’ve come a long way from Astoria (a whole six miles to Williamsburg) and I’ve embraced every minute of it (except for those 4-12 hours sleeping every night which don’t count). Sometimes sassy women can be sentimental too. This is one of those times. Thanks for everything New York. Here’s to many more years. 

Cue stereotypical NY dream song, “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. 

This would have been a great ad for NASA. And one hell of a recruiting tool for future astronauts. RIP space program. 

Nike likes big butts and they cannot lie. (Re: Sir-Mix-a-Lot)

I have to commend this brand for pushing back on the “perfect body” norm that has happily settled into almost all modern advertising campaigns. Albeit fitness brands have an easier time taking this risky route than high fashion brands, but at least someone is leading the charge (along with Dove, of course). Self love for women has been coming up a lot in ads recently and I’m hoping it stays that way. It’s giving women confidence by allowing them to openly, and proudly, talk about their bodies. That, my friends, is something we can all celebrate. 

As a pear-shaped woman myself, I am all about a campaign that embraces our lower assets. Now, if only someone could feature an ad telling the benefits of small boobs, I’d be set.

Hey Facebook, just thinking out loud here…if these were truly my close friends wouldn’t I already know the big things that are happening in their lives before they hit Facebook? Of course everyone likes to brag on how awesome their lives are but I’ve always received a text or a call from my closest friends when engagements, home purchases, new puppies and the like are in the making. 

tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Kenya!